13 Aug The Importance of Self-Love in My Relationship
This blog post was written by Brenda Granzini, Regional Program Manager for the Utah South Region. All opinions expressed are the author’s and do not necessarily reflect any official positions or policy of Latinos In Action.
As some of you may know, the highlight of my 2018 has definitely been my wedding! I’ve been married for a little over 2 months now. I got married May 25 to my homie, lover, and best friend! And it’s been the bomb.com!
Check out our special day here 👉 https://vimeo.com/276141308
Now, I don’t mean to burst anyone’s bubble but life hasn’t always been HAKUNA MATATA. I haven’t always lived this mushy, joyful love life. It’s taken me time to get where I am. Today as I reflect on my relationship with Jay I truly realize that our epic love stems from the self-love we have for ourselves.
I’ll talk from my point of view and share my experience with the hope that it connects with you. I’ve come to realize as humans we all want to feel worthy, appreciated and LOVED. This journey has definitely taught me the following 3 things:
1. You can’t depend on others to make you feel happy or loved.
I’m sure to some extent we can all understand how and why this is unhealthy. Not just for us individually, but for the other person as well. Can you imagine what a miserable situation that would be for each individual? We should understand that we are worthy, and our worth doesn’t stem from anyone else. We must be able to unconditionally love ourselves first and be happy with who we are. It’s crucial for us to understand we can fill our own cups. And by fill, I mean be happy and love ourselves. When our cup is full it will overflow, resulting in enough love to go around for everyone. Loving yourself first gives you the capacity to love at a completely different level! On a side note, loving yourself first also allows you to walk away from toxic relationships with your head held high, knowing you are still worthy. This makes it easier to bounce back. The more we love ourselves the more we can give to others. Validate your own worth. Jay always makes fun of me in the morning when I’m doing my make-up. He says it’s hilarious to watch me do my “duck face”, but really this is just my time to validate my worth. I look at myself in the mirror and truly acknowledge my beauty as a person. I guess filling my cup consists of me doing selfie duck faces in the mirror. 😉
2. People will treat you the way you see and treat yourself.
If you don’t respect yourself, what makes you think others will? I definitely recommend you check to see where you stand in this area. Sometimes as human beings we are the ones getting in our own way. We have to be willing to set high standards for ourselves. When we have this type of self-love, holding ourselves to higher standards, it results in us recognizing our worth and being able to distinguish between what’s healthy and what’s not. I can’t express how much holding myself to higher standards has allowed me to move forward in my life. Not just in my love life, but as a mother, in my career, and in my spiritual life. I started holding myself accountable, and that’s where the magic happened. I truly started seeing the results I had been waiting for. I love myself more because of the standards I set for myself and I know I’m deserving of respect and love.
3. Relationships are PARTNERSHIPS.
Toxic relationships can develop from co-dependency, and this can happen on so many levels. When one – if not both partners -lacks self-love, self-worth, self-esteem (you get the point) that’s when things become toxic. You are relying on another person to feel loved and happy. Dependency is toxic. Relationships should be partnerships; a team effort. One thing I LOVE about my relationship with Jay is we don’t NEED each other because we are whole and complete as individuals, but we CHOOSE to be with each other. We validate our own worth individually, and being together just helps it flourish. We work as a team. He has strengths that I don’t have and vice versa. That’s the beauty of being human: we are nowhere near perfect, yet we have others around us who are willing to help us and move us forward. It’s all about relationships.
I’ve had failings in my life. You’ve had failings in your life. When we fail it’s not necessarily a “FAULT” issue. We were simply not in harmony with what we were trying to do. You might have failed in relationships in your past. It’s important to stop replaying the tapes over and over of what we did wrong, rethinking what you said or how you acted. You’re so caught up in what you should’ve done that you’re not seeing the bottom line: The relationship was not in harmony, it was not resonating with you.
When you are in harmony with yourself first, your relationships will start resonating.
But it begins with ourselves.
You are worthy. You are important.
It’s a problem free philosophy my friends, HAKUNA MATATA!